Went away for a long weekend at the shala, 3 days. It's hard not to have expectations sometimes when you see teachers so rarely. Saturday and Sunday, Kapotasana did not go so well, just as deep as at home but no more. Found myself frustrated and even angry and eventually upset during practice about many inconsequential things. All unusual states for me so I observed and was amused by the my thoughts rather than reacting to them. I knew I wasn't really annoyed and frustrated at the mundane things my mind was clinging too.
On Sunday the emotional release reached a pinnacle and I almost cried in Savasana as I realised that the anger I felt was towards my Dad, for being dead. Obviously not his fault but perfectly understandable response from me, I think. What was nice about this was realising that this anger related more to the now rather than when he died which was 3 years ago. I miss him now, having gone through an intense grieving process, I think I had kinda felt our relationship was over, it isn't of course. He was my dad and I love him still and everything I learnt from him is with me every day. So it actually ended up being quite a nice insight. When I was in Savasana and realised where the emotion was coming from, something happened in the main part of the shala and everyone laughed. No idea what it was but it brought me back into the moment brilliantly.
After that went and had a nice breakfast and lunch with fellow blogger yogis Kevin, Mel and Susan. Lovely to feel unrushed and share our experiences with this wonderful practice. The wonderful thing with ashtanga is that we all share similar experiences so it is easy to relate to each others journey.
On Monday I had a much more focused practice, one of those wonderful practices where the mind stays in the moment. Nice to practice with my teacher too. Heels in Kapotasana felt better than last time, could breathe much easier, not easily though, it is Kapotasana afterall. I also got a new pose bharadvajasana. I grabbed my ankles in the final backbend too, with assistance. My back is definitely opening, no wonder I am going through so much emotionally. Feel really grateful and happy to have such a healing practice in my life.
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